“If thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee, leave there thy gift before the altar, and first be reconciled to thy brother.”
The Gospel of Matthew, c. 80 AD · the Sermon on the Mount
Chapter 5
On Apology and Repair
“He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.”
The Book of Proverbs, c. 400 BC · Hebrew wisdom literature
“Yom Kippur atones for transgressions between a person and God, but for a transgression against one's neighbor, Yom Kippur cannot atone, until he appeases his neighbor.”
The Mishnah, c. 200 AD · rabbinic law on the Day of Atonement
“When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them.”
Confucius, c. 500 BC · Chinese teacher and philosopher
“The offender never pardons.”
George Herbert, 1640 · Welsh-born English poet and priest
“Pardon all but thyself.”
George Herbert, 1640 · Welsh-born English poet and priest
“And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.”
The Gospel of Luke, c. 85 AD · the parable of the prodigal son
“Do not forget, never forget, that you have promised to use this money in becoming an honest man.”
Victor Hugo, 1862 · French novelist, in the voice of Bishop Myriel
Researchers testing apologies piece by piece found six parts that matter, and the two that mattered most were taking responsibility and offering to repair the damage.
Roy Lewicki, Beth Polin and Robert Lount, 2016 · experimental study of apology structure
Two researchers tested a costly signalling model of apology and found that saying sorry is believed in proportion to what it costs the one who says it.
Yohsuke Ohtsubo and Esuka Watanabe, 2009 · experimental test of apology as a costly signal
People asked to write about any benefit that came out of being wronged became more forgiving than people asked to write about the wound itself.
Michael McCullough, Lindsey Root and Adam Cohen, 2006 · randomized writing experiment on forgiveness
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